I've been doing some reading and some thinking lately.....as is normal for me and for most of us, I suppose. What I've been thinking about is how when we are asked about our life's goal those of us who believe in God will answer, "Getting to heaven."

This is a good answer, of course. But after someone (an author I have been reading) said something that put the thought into my mind, I wonder if it is really the goal we need. That is because somehow when our goal is "getting to heaven" we go into the mindset of "being good" and get out our "report cards" in hope of filling them with all A's.

In the process of trying to get all A's we can lose sight of the present time. We forget to be thankful for each day. We forget to love those around us. We spend so much thought of trying to get to where we aren't that we forget to live where we are!

I wonder how my life (and yours) would change if my goal was to try to have a real relationship with God here today. What if I really try to be thankful? What would happen if I really try to live each moment with a sense of wonder like the little children that Jesus told us we must be like? What would happen if I truly spent my time really walking with Jesus here?

It comes to me that many of us want to get to heaven so badly, and yet we never try to get to know Jesus here. I wonder how it will be to spend eternity in praise and adoration for someone we haven't even tried to get to know.

So my new goal is to get to know Jesus better. It is to walk with Him in relationship so I can be comfortable with Him when he does take me home with Him as He has promised. I am working on thanksgiving, concern for others, and trying to find the wonder in things about me.

Love to all of you!

Last weekend we went to Knoxville to see the Vols play football. It was a wonderful weekend even with all the rain. Russell, Nora and I met Mary and Matt and my brother, Gary, and his whole family there. We enjoyed being together! Being the good sport he is, Matt even wore a UT shirt to the game (He is a born and raised U. of South Carolina fan.)

Driving home on Sunday I saw such an unusual sight. It was only a short sighting as we were driving down the interstate. I glanced over at a bluff and there was a row of evergreen trees just at the rim of it. I mean really at the rim of it. All of them were facing up except for one little tree. This tree was hanging upside down from the rim. It was as if it had gone too far and had fallen. Or considering all the rain,it is probable that the bluff had washed away and left it exposed. This little tree was hanging by its roots.

At first thought one would want to blame that little tree. After all it wasn't in line with the others. They were all standing straight and upright facing toward the sun. Whatever had happened had not caused them to fall. On second thought I was in wonder at just how strong that little tree's roots were. Even though it wasn't standing with the rest it was hanging in there pretty well considering the circumstances.

It made we wonder why we sometimes judge those who are not able to stand in line with everyone else. Maybe we should be more compassionate and understand that sometimes life hands out things that cause one to tip over the bluff. Often those hanging by their roots are the people who have strong roots in the first place. I have decided that little tree is a very brave little tree. It hasn't given up when hit with hard times.

I'm determined to try to be understanding when people "leave the line" and "hang upside down". Even though trees cannot bend down and offer a helping hand people can. It is my prayer that I be willing to offer that hand, or if I need that hand maybe you will offer one. Either way I want us to understand that hanging upside down is not a sign of weakness. It just may be a test of our roots.

Some of you have encouraged me to continue blogging. The CARINGBRIDGE site has been wonderful! I will keep it as it is for future use just in case I need it. That brings me to the topic of this blog.....trying to be alive!

I do not plan for this to be a blog about cancer as the other has been largely. I have some things on my heart that would best be described as spiritual things that I will be writing about. But first I have on my heart that sometimes it is difficult to "reenter regular life" after being ill.

Russell seemed to understand this. In August I had my regular 3 month scan which was clear of any visible cancer (PRAISE THE LORD). He went with me the morning I was to speak with Dr. Shipley about the results. He wanted to drive his truck so we went in it. When we received our good news he told me he had other news. We needed the truck because he was buying me a red motor scooter.

Now I have never been one of those motorcycle people, but Nora is training for another marathon (Mary and Matt too but they are not here!). She runs miles and miles and miles throughout Macon County. With a scooter (since I can't ride my TREK bicycle yet) I would be able to go along with her.

We are now a subject of discussion in the county. I have my scooter rigged with water bottles and snacks for her. She runs and I ride. It is great fun for me!

Just yesterday after going with her on a run I went off to the gas station to refuel my scooter. I have named her LIGHTNING BUG. (Reference Patsy Clairmont's speeches and book about FireFlies.) Lightning Bug and I were just tooling along enjoying the morning when I realized that being on Lightning Bug makes me feel so alive. Can I explain that ? No not really. It just happens. It is the same freedom I felt as a child riding a bicycle. I just laughed to myself and thought about how great it is to be alive.

Lightning Bug is special to me. She gives me freedom and experiences I would have missed otherwise. I think of my friend, Loretta, who did not survive the cancer as I have so far. She rode Harleys! She and her husband rode Harleys all the way across the Blue Ridge Parkway. At the rate Lightning Bug and I go it would take forever to ride that far!

I have been told that cancer has changed me too. Like Lightning Bug it has given me experiences I would not have otherwise had. I have tried to allow God to work through those experiences and to mold me into a more caring person because of them. I am trying to help others who are on their journey through treatments and such. I have been told that cancer has made me more open with my thoughts spiritually. That is where this blog will come in. I plan to share some of those thoughts. Writing helps me to clarify them for myself. Maybe some of you will want to join in. If so, feel free to do so. Thanks for staying with me though my journey so far! Maybe Lightning Bug and I will see you around! HEHE.